After I left my pitiful excuse of a relationship, I realised just how far down the rabbit hole I was. The thing with these relationships is that you never truly know how toxic it is until you leave. Once you leave, the haze around your lens begins to clear and your senses begin to recover. After about 2 years a friend asked me ‘what if it happens again’. For me, it is highly unlikely it will happen again due to the magnitude of events I experienced and the fact that I remember how much it hurt at the time. I have also had some really good therapy, good family and friends and my faith in God, my universal power, to make sure I don’t end up in the same toxic relationship again.
From my experience there are some tell-tale signs that I would definitely avoid. I can see a narcissist coming and I can smell them a mile off. I have answers to the your main questions below. Use my experience to help you with your toxic relationship and to help you make informed decisions about who you let into your life. Your sanity is worth its weight in gold so keep it that way.
Q: What are the signs of a narcissistic man in a relationship?
A: He moves very quickly. Wanting to move in together quickly and saying I love you very early on.
Q: How can I tell if I’m involved with a narcissist?
A: There will be red flags such as a lack of genuine good friends, poor relationship with his mother and the need for constant reassurance.
Q: Why do narcissistic men seem so charming at the beginning of a relationship?
A: This is a way to hook you in. Who doesn’t like a charming man. Women like to be swept of their feet and this is one of the ways they do it.
Q: Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissistic man?
A: If the narcissist is completely aware of their behaviour and is actively seeking guidance from a specialist because they struggle with the world around them, it may be possible to have a healthy relationship, with challenges.
Q: How do narcissistic men manipulate their partners?
A: They make you believe that you need them for everything and are incapable of doing things alone. They tell you lies and you begin to question your reality against the truth, confused about what is true and false.
Q: Can a narcissistic man change and become less self-centred?
A: As above…If the narcissist is completely aware of their behaviour and the fact that their behaviour is self-centred and is actively seeking guidance from a specialist because they are tired of fighting the world around them, it may be possible to have a healthy relationship, with challenges.
Q: Why do I keep attracting narcissistic men?
A: Your lack of clear boundaries is attracting this kind of person. Put boundaries in place and stick to them. If your rule is no calls after 11pm don’t answer the phone. Regular people are used to rules and boundaries.
Q: What are some red flags to watch out for in a narcissistic relationship?
A: Lies. Shouting. Name calling. Silent treatment. Extravagant gifts to make up for the abuse.
Q: How can I set boundaries with a narcissistic partner?
A: Set boundaries the same way you would set boundaries with anyone else. Explain it and ask them to repeat what they heard. If they disregard the boundary, they have lack of respect for you.
Q: Why does a narcissistic man always need to be the centre of attention?
A: Being the centre of attention bolsters their idea of grandiose. Being the centre of attention equates with importance in their eyes.
Q: How do narcissistic men react to criticism or rejection?
A: Criticism and rejection is met with aggression and the idea that you are trying to tear them down.
Q: What is the impact of being in a long-term relationship with a narcissistic man?
A: Being in a long-term relationship with a narcissistic will have long term effects on your mental and emotional well-being. You will be unsure of yourself and find it hard to make simple decisions alone.
Q: Can a narcissistic man ever truly love his partner?
A: This is one I cannot answer. Maybe the question should be how much do you love yourself.
Q: How do I cope with the emotional rollercoaster of being in a narcissistic relationship?
A: Learn to live with it knowing that this is who they are. Accept it. Or, make plans to leave which will help alleviate the stress and give you something to work towards.
Q: What is the role of co-dependency in narcissistic relationships?
A: When you continuously accommodate his needs at the expense of your own wellbeing.
Q: Why do some women feel addicted to narcissistic men?
A: It’s not the narcissism per se that they are addicted to it’s the space the narcists fills for women that have experienced trauma in childhood and adolescence and their emotional needs at the time of meeting the man.
I said all of this to say…be mindful of who you let into your space. If you know you have childhood trauma, begin to address the issues and emotions around this. If you don’t think you have any childhood trauma, I suggest you seek therapy because we all have some underlying traumas. Sometimes they are buried so deep it takes a counsellor to find them. Some people come into your life to teach you a lesson and being able to recognise the people who are only around to teach and the people who are around for the long haul will enrich your life rather than make it difficult…This blog is a place where I prove to you that there is life beyond unhealthy relationships…it’s a place where I prove to you that you have all that you need and it’s a place where I prove to you that….you are not alone…you got this and I love you.
