Understanding Narcissistic Behaviour and its impact on Relationships
In this blog post I help you to identify destructive behaviour of Narcissistic individuals and how it affects personal relationships at their core.
My Personal Experience with a Narcissist
I stayed in a relationship with a narcissist for more than 10 years, and we had children together. I understand how the manipulation and gas lighting starts with a simmer, progressing to a slow boil and finally erupts into a full-blown crisis.
The Nature of Narcissism
Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a psychological and is characterised by the excessive preoccupation someone has with themselves. They need admiration and a lack empathy.
The Myth of Narcissus
The story of Narcissus is the Greek story of the man who fell in love with his own reflection. The traits of a narcissist exist between healthy self-confidence to pathological.
The Spectrum of Narcissistic Traits
NPD disorder behaviour is destructive and affects personal relationships at the core. Once you understand narcissism and how it influences how people perceive themselves you will understand the reason why they interact with the world the way they do. Many people are trying to understand their place among the man with NPD narcissistic personality disorder so I answer the most common questions below.
Symptoms of a Narcissist
- The exaggerated sense of self-importance and lack of empathy as mentioned above.
- The need to be constantly validated by others
- The tendency to exploit others for personal gain
- The inability to have a genuine connection to others and their emotions
- A feeling of superiority over others
- The tendency to react with anger or disdain when they feel slighted or criticized
- The preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success and power.
The symptoms of a narcissist are engaging in self-centred and manipulative behaviours including gas-lighting your memories and belittling people. All of these behaviours help to prop up the narcissist self-image and helps them maintain their control.
My narcissist couldn’t help but use people for personal gain. I didn’t see it at first but close to end I came to find out he had been using me for the entire relationship, he used 3 of my friends and my cousin and even though he crushed boundaries with my brother and my sister, they saw through him way before I did so he didn’t get the chance to use them. (Let me know if you want to hear about these stories).
The Red Flags of Narcissism
- Excessive Self-Importance: You need to give them special treatment regardless of how they treat you.
- Constant Need for Admiration: You need to tell them how good they are all the time.
- Lack of Empathy: They can’t understand why you are upset.
- Manipulative Behaviour: Lies and exploitation to get what they want.
- Difficulty Maintaining Relationships. Their parents, friends and family.
- Inflated Sense of Achievement: Lies about their achievements in life.
- Intolerance of Criticism: They get defensive and angry when you criticise them.
- Entitlement: They ignore rules and boundaries.
- Emotional Abuse: Including neglect, insults and emotional withdrawal.
Identifying narcissist red flags is necessary for recognizing and dealing with people who exhibit narcissistic traits. If you notice any of these traits, I suggest you pay attention to the things they do more keenly than the things they say. If you watch the actions of a narcissist for long enough, you will find out who they really are.
My narcissist absolutely hated it when other people were good at something. He would say ‘look at him’ ‘who does he think he is’ ‘he thinks he knows better than me’.
I remember the time when I found out my grandmothers auntie had passed. I was upset for my grandmother mostly, he looked through me when I told him. There was a lot of lies too, all the time. Lies for the smallest of things and lies about big things too.
He ignored me when he felt like it and this had a major affect on my self-esteem.
How Narcissists Express Love
- Idealization: The narcissists puts you on a pedestal that not even you can reach with lots of attention and compliments.
- Love-Bombing: Affection can be intense to try and get you to trust them quickly.
- Gift-Giving: They give marvellous gifts to ‘demonstrate’ their love.
Differentiating Genuine Love
The narcissists idea of love may appear as expressions of love rather than a feeling. All of this is in the interest of the narcissist. This isn’t for your benefit. Over time, they devalue you, become controlling, show less empathy eventually leading to a toxic and unhealthy relationship. It’s essential that you are able to differentiate between genuine love and the narcissist’s self-serving love.
Genuine Love vs. Narcissistic Love
My narcissist used to tell me all the time how he used to think so highly of me and how he used to hold me above all things. Not a position I auditioned for by the way. Then in the same breath tell me that I am slow and ‘delayed’ and that I don’t listen. Of course, the reason he believed I didn’t listen was because; I wasn’t doing as I was told.
When he could sense that I was struggling to cope and on the brink of leaving he would buy me stuff. Even though I constantly said it’s not stuff I need. I can get ‘stuff’ myself.
Coping with a Narcissist
I said all of this to say…from my personal experience with narcissistic behaviour, manipulation, gaslighting, neglect, intolerance to criticism and the excessive exploitation of others; their sense of superiority, entitlement, emotional abuse and their preoccupation with fantasies of success, narcissists engage in self-centred and manipulative behaviours to maintain control and prop up their self-image.
It is important to pay attention to the red flags and actions rather than words when dealing with narcissists as actions often reveal their true nature leading to a toxic and unhealthy relationship. Differentiating between what is genuine and what is not will ultimately preserve your self esteem and emotional well-being….…This blog is a place where I show you what to look out for so that you avoid the pitfalls and live a happy healthy existence…it’s a place where I prove to you that you have all that you need and it’s a place where I prove to you that….you are not alone…you got this and I love you.
Onika Sabrina
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